Smart Snares

Everyone on social media tries to put their best foot forward. It makes sense! Most people aren’t really willing to share everything about them on social media, and that’s probably a good thing in a lot of ways. The problem with that, of course, is that now everyone is walking around thinking they are inferior because they don’t have the picture-perfect life, marriage, or family that everyone else has.

Let’s be honest and just put it out there-we are all struggling through this awkward time in the world. Parents are trying to give their kids normalcy, but there isn’t much to be found. Spouses are spending more time together than ever before, but that isn’t always easy either. So, in honor of the struggle, I present to you my Top Ten Corona Confessions. Yeah, we have some good things going on in our household-what is happening behind the scenes that is maybe not so Insta-worthy?

#10: I’m pretty sure my son just ate apple pie for breakfast for the second straight day. I’m also pretty sure we didn’t stop him. Let me clarify though-he was not allowed ice cream on top. I mean seriously, what do we look like?

#9: I have been staying up past midnight pretty much every day for the last week. I know there’s nothing good happening past midnight, but I don’t have the normal routine dictating that I have to get up at 5:20 in the morning. Even when I do work for school, I sleep in because I don’t have to drive 52 miles and pack up lunch before I go. Last night I went for a run at 11:00 PM. My routine is a mess.

#8: I let my daughter play on a playground about a week ago. She was touching everything. I mean like everything. She’s like that GIF going around of the girl licking the handrail. She didn’t lick the handrails at the playground this time, but she sure did take that squeaky dinosaur rocker for a trip.

#7: We didn’t watch a church service as a family. I’m not sure why-it’s not like we didn’t have time. How ridiculous is it that we can watch Home Safari from the Cincinnati Zoo religiously every day but not do anything actually religious? I’ve been doing podcasts on my own but no family worship. Maybe that’s part of the problem with churches doing kids church separately-I get around the kids in a church environment and don’t know how to act. (It’s totally my fault so please don’t take that as me blaming anyone-it is just a different dynamic.)

#6: My family has too much toilet paper. My wife went to Kroger a week and a half ago, and was debating whether we had some at home or not. She walked by the aisle and a worker told her to buy some because there wasn’t any in the back. Like a good customer, she obliged. She then got home, told me the story, and we looked in the garage. Sure enough, we had some already. We aren’t hoarding, but we’re good for a while.

#5: My wife is a fantastic homeschool teacher. I am awful. “What is wrong with you? Didn’t you learn that in kindergarten?” I should just be banned from homeschooling. It’s such a different dynamic. I need to give a shoutout to all the people who are negotiating this new school life successfully.

#4: The kids go outside to play nowadays and my wife and I are really pretty much leaving them to do whatever they want. Yesterday they were climbing trees (editor’s note: my kids can’t climb trees). My first reaction was “It just rained. The ground is soft. They need exercise.”

#3: My screen time analysis on my iPhone (thanks, Apple, for reminding me of how much time I’m on my phone) was a little bit ridiculous. “Your screen time increased by 57% this week.” Well what did you think it was going to do, Apple? Huh? Answer me! In other news, I should probably stop talking to my phone.

#2: My family has failed in the social distancing department twice. Once, our dog got out and jumped on the neighbor girl. My son ran over and saved the day. The second time, a boy was playing with a bouncy ball and it got away. My son ran over and saved the day. Notice a trend? Whatever. He was never good at social distancing anyway.

#1: I need to end with a serious one. I’m finding myself getting angry about little things. I don’t know if it’s the stress of the situation and the world we live in, but I also know that the problem isn’t new either. Everything could be going pretty well in the world and I could still lose my marbles about something ridiculous one of my kids does or something I disagree with my wife about. I’m struggling. I can put on a happy face (and I am generally happy even in the midst of this mess), but there are times where I am not doing my job as father and husband.

We aren’t always what our social media accounts say we are. It makes me feel really inferior to say it, but the good news is that none of us are. Give yourself some grace. Try to face your problems together. Admit it when you are struggling and seek help. We’re not meeting in person, but that doesn’t mean we can’t face the world as a team. I know I need it. Do you?

When I was a kid, there was a station called CNN Headline News on cable television. I didn’t have cable as a kid, but one of the local television stations broadcast it at 11:30 AM every day, for half an hour. It covered everything going on in the world. Now I was young so I can’t say this with certainty, but I never felt like there was a major slant or a bias in the reporting. With only half an hour to go over everything in the world, there didn’t really seem to be time for it.

Technically the station still exists, but the name has been cut down to HLN. It changed format in 2001, deciding to go with more opinion-based reporting. It eventually transformed into crime drama and tabloid programming, thus making me wonder why the name HLN even exists at this point.

The sad thing about something like Headline News is there isn’t much around to replace it these days. As I desperately seek truthful programming, I find myself skeptical of both sides of political puppetry. Have you ever visited the Fox News and MSNBC websites at the same time? It’s almost as if they are reporting two different Americas.

What makes me completely frustrated about the situation is that we live in a time that demands truth. We need to know what’s really going on right now, because many lives will depend on it. Yet on the same day a week ago I heard one news network completely ignore the threat of coronavirus and another refer to the crisis as an “existential threat” (even though the expert specifically said in his own words it would not be an existential threat).

The problem that has been created is not one person or one network’s fault, and it shouldn’t be treated that way. Conservatives believe the left-leaning media has tried for decades to further an agenda that appeases it. They called it out and began using words like “fake news” to address it. Of course now that we have terms like that in our vernacular, even credible news can be dismissed easily by those who don’t want to believe it.

I hate the way the news makes me feel, and yet I keep watching as if it’s some sort of a drug. What station do you watch when you believe in an unborn child’s right to life but also think we should be aware of what we are doing to the planet? Who do you listen to when you think the government should stay out of people’s business but you also believe a strong and well-funded public education system is the best path to success for our kids?

In the current time and reality we live in right now, a lot of the political arguments we thought were worth having need to be pushed to the back burner. What we need is results. What we need is encouragement. I think what we need is truth. Unfortunately, sometimes to get the truth we have to do our own homework. So decide what steps make the most sense for you during such a trying time. Find expert opinions and be careful who you trust. Most importantly, take care of your family, your faith, and everything else that gives you peace and joy. ‘Cause there’s nothing fake about that.

There’s a lot to not like about country music. I have spent a good portion of my life feeling very strongly about that. Over time, I have worked my way toward changing “hate” into “tolerate” when it comes to country music, mostly because of being surrounded by people in my circle who want to listen to it (and several yearly trips to Nashville). I still think the band Florida Georgia Line is a fraud, but I also respect the history of the music.

When I woke up this morning to the news of Kenny Rogers passing away, it obviously didn’t move the needle in a huge way other than being able to hear my dad’s voice singing “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em…” In a world of news going completely off the rails, it wasn’t really top-of-mind.

Then tonight happened, and I caught myself wildly off guard. I was flipping channels (remember, there’s no live basketball on television) and I found a live broadcast from the Grand Ole Opry. Now I’ve been there before on multiple occasions (even for church there twice) and it truly embodies the spirit and heart of Nashville. You don’t have to like the music to feel the presence of the scene. It’s everything special about Nashville, in one place.

Tonight, the seats were empty. The crowds were missing due to coronavirus concerns and the broadcast was bare-bones. It was just three country music greats (and Nashville icons) on stage playing and singing: Marty Stuart, Vince Gill, and Brad Paisley. They opened with a Kenny Rogers song and even admitted that for the next hour, they weren’t really sure what they were going to do. So they played.

The three artists played their own songs, Kenny’s songs, or just whatever felt fitting at the moment. The stage lights were bright and all the optics perfect, even though the audience was only online, on the couch, or listening on the radio from the road. They played off each other. They screwed up a little bit. They were full of perspective but also hope. It was a fantastic hour.

Nashville has been through a lot lately. Tornadoes ripped through Tennessee a few weeks ago (which feels like a lifetime ago). East Nashville was devastated. The entire town was facing tragedy even before the national tragedy our country faces today. I can’t fathom being one of those who lost their home at any time, let alone a time with as much uncertainty as we have now. And still, if it’s a Saturday night in Nashville, there’s music at the Opry.

They played to honor an old friend and legend. They played to an empty crowd, joking that it reminded them of early in their careers. They played on and the hour was really magical. I played it loud in the basement and sometimes sang along when I knew the words. Maybe it was just the lack of something else to watch or the fact that there haven’t been a ton of live performances lately, but it was special. There I was, enjoying country music.

Just don’t tell anyone.

I always stay tuned to Arizona sports radio, even though I have been living in Ohio for more than three and a half years. I don’t think I will ever love Ohio teams more than Arizona teams, and if it ever does happen I tell people I will probably be 66 (since I spent the first 33 years of my life in Arizona). Of course who’s to say where I will be living in thirty (or three) years!

This week, the Arizona Cardinals made a huge trade that even someone who isn’t a huge sports fan would be excited about. They traded for one of the two or three best wide receivers in football without giving up more than a draft pick and a player they were trying to get rid of anyway. I started getting texts from a friend. Suddenly, the mood on the radio picked up. Then it picked up some more. In the Twitter universe, people couldn’t believe what had happened.

In a time when everyone is so uptight (and for pretty good reason), sometimes it’s easy to forget the joy in just having a little bit of fun and cutting loose. I spent hours talking about football, listening to football, and reading stories about football. It was great. I know there was more important news floating around, but maybe in that moment it was just as important to not listen to the important stuff.

I read a book by a former NFL player recently (and wrote a rather scathing review about it that I recently took down from my blog). He made fun of watching sports on television. He essentially implied that if you want to reach your goals, you can’t sit on the sideline and eat a bag of chips and watch the game. Instead, you have to be constantly striving to improve. You don’t have time to be a fan.

I do understand what he was getting at, and I myself would argue that there is way too much sitting around and watching television going on in this world. The part I think he took too far is the idea that you have to always be working. You have to always be struggling. You have to wake up early in the morning every morning. Do you like music or television while you run? Stop it! Focus on your run.

What are we doing to ourselves?

I hope people are staying in touch with the news regarding all the different issues going on regarding the pandemic. I think most of the people I know are staying informed. However, what’s past “informed”? Is there such a thing as being overinformed? Does too much information create panic and hysteria? Is the flood of information why we have grocery stores without toilet paper? Can we just lay off the focus for a little while?!?!

I, for one, was super excited to find out that in lieu of March Madness (which has been a part of my sports-watching tradition since before I could say Fairleigh Dickinson), they are airing classic tournament games on CBS. I even found out that my alma mater’s 1997 championship is even going to be on next weekend! I know it isn’t much, but sometimes we don’t need much. Even just a few minutes or a few hours away from the hysteria is enough to recharge.

So thank you, Arizona Cardinals, for stealing DeAndre Hopkins. Thank you, sports media people, for covering the story and getting excited. I needed that. Even though sports news isn’t “important,” it’s important to not be important sometimes.

I got a call from a coworker today. I teach with him and he does a lot of great work at school. We talk all the time when we are there, and it’s rarely about education. It’s almost always about sports or something else wacky. Sometimes we let our co-taught class get in the way of such conversations, but it’s almost always unrelated.

Anyway, I had sent a group text to him and a few others yesterday just checking in and making sure everyone was happy and healthy in light of all the news circulating. I had suggested some free sports diversions for people to enjoy. (A lot of sports leagues are offering free material to people to keep busy at home.)

When this teacher called, I was afraid there was something wrong! Did a parent get upset? Did I mess something up in my online work? Is he ill? Actually, he wanted to talk football. We spoke for about ten minutes about it. He was showing his son some great games from a decade ago, like a lot of dads have been doing in the absence of live sporting events in the nation.

I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal, but it was great!

When was the last time someone called you out of the blue just to talk? Does this sort of thing even happen anymore? How often do you reach out and call someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time? I am one of the worst about it and I really need to do better. It’s so crazy to me that nowadays, when someone I don’t talk to often calls me on the phone, I assume the worst. Maybe other people think the same thing if they see me call.

Lately, I’ve been going for walks and runs more often in the void of so many other things to do to occupy my time. When I run into someone on my walk, I try to keep away and do the “social distancing” the experts tell me to do. However, in the process I’m trying to bring back the actual greeting. Runners are great at the head-nod or the quick “hi” in between breaths. I’m working on the “good morning” and the “how are you doing” that actually involves caring about how they are doing. It’s not much, but I feel like I have undervalued the human voice.

It’s sort of unfortunate that it takes such strange circumstances to think about these things, but I think it’s better late than never. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy brief long-distance conversations with neighbors. I can’t even explain how enjoyable a ten-minute phone conversation was. On the busy days in a regular March or April, I’m not even sure I get ten minutes one-on-one to talk with my wife!

People need each other now more than ever, and yet we are allowed to be around each other less than ever. Maybe it’s a phone call. Maybe it’s a neighborly greeting. Maybe it’s a real conversation with a friend or loved one that you aren’t trying to keep distant from. Let’s not forget just how much we can make someone’s day. Pick someone tomorrow and spend some time talking! You don’t know how much they might need it.

Yesterday I wrote about how there are positives to be taken out of even the most difficult situations. I feel like every day there’s something new to be found that makes me thankful to be alive and fairly healthy. However, that doesn’t necessarily make things easy either. There are moments as a parent during this week that have, well, reminded me why I teach high school kids!

Now first, let’s talk about some positives. Walmart had a great selection today and I found some pretzel bread that was delicious. Who needs regular bread when you have pretzel bread? (Turns out, we need regular bread too. Oh well.) I bought a vacuum that was highly rated and also very cheap, which is good considering the state of our previous one.

We went for a couple of family walks today and timed out the weather very well. I was keeping an eye on radar this morning, and we got back from the first one about five minutes before heavy rain began. We also were able to go out right before it got dark. In between, we learned a little, I graded online work, and I also learned something about ocelots, which I wasn’t expecting.

Today I learned something else too. Rain shrinks our house. It’s like one of these magic tricks. As soon as it starts to rain, the living room shrinks in size by about fifty percent, the kitchen table barely fits in our kitchenette, and the stairs create far too little separation. When we are stuck at home for a long time, the challenges begin to mount. The kids seem to constantly run into the dog, or the dog into them, or maybe everyone into everyone. Suddenly there are tears and I don’t know where they came from.

Days like today are a real struggle. I know parents from coast to coast feel it. Back years ago when an Arizona summer day hit 115 degrees, I remember all the experiences of sitting with the kids wondering what movie we’re going to watch next. A soaking Ohio rain isn’t a whole lot different. The difference this time is that my wife and I are also doubling as homeschool teachers, and I am simultaneously trying to perform online duties as a regular high school teacher.

I don’t want to take back anything I spoke about yesterday. My problems are small in comparison to a family dealing with real sickness right now, and although money is tight, we have a fridge full of food and a cabinet that even has a few Oreos. Still, it is important to acknowledge that things are emotionally trying. My family is trying hard to get along, but constantly running into speed bumps as well.

I was about to start a negative paragraph earlier by saying “To be honest,” but I stopped myself. The truth is, all the positivity I’ve felt in the last few days is honest. I feel hope even when things look lousy. I feel joy even when the news is bleak. I’m more grateful now for the little things than ever before. Still, there are moments in the midst of this new schedule that are incredibly challenging. There were times in the last 24 hours where I even felt guilty for writing what I wrote yesterday because some of the positive vibes felt like forever ago. I’m feeling a little bit of a lot of things.

Long story short, to the person who is feeling positive right now, I’m so glad! I hope you can keep pressing on toward new family goals and individual accomplishments. Please tell me what you are aspiring for because I want to be a part of it! Your drive helps me stay driven.

To the person who is feeling really overwhelmed right now, I am with you! Let’s exchange stories over virtual coffee. I’ve got a couple stories to share, but probably not in mixed company.

To the person who is feeling a little of everything, well-let’s be honest and say that most of us are there. It’s hard to know how to feel when you are somewhere you have never been. Unless it’s your first time at Disney World. You probably know how to feel even if you’ve never actually been there. Unfortunately, this isn’t Disney. Heck, Disney World isn’t even open. This is what we get.

Please join me through the good stuff. Join me through the not so good stuff. Share your good stuff. We can do this, but we need help. Honestly.

Today was a very interesting day in the life of Ohio teachers. Officially speaking (even though many had already started the hiatus), today was day one of the school closures due to the coronavirus (COVID-19). My son’s school closed on Friday, and mine closed yesterday (although many teachers came in to work on their online classroom).

As teachers, we all have different takes on the entire situation. We know that three weeks off will probably not be enough, but we also know that it had to start somewhere. We know that online learning is a foreign concept to many classroom teachers, but we are trying to do the best we can to serve students. We know that many of us and our students are not in a high-risk category for symptoms of the illness, but we still worry about our families and the families of the kids we teach.

I don’t have a very political take on the matter, for two reasons. First of all, I think serious situations should supersede political rhetoric. Secondly, I think they are all awful. I’m both a registered Republican who didn’t vote for President Trump and a member of a teachers’ union. I’m politically homeless. So if I say “Donald Trump spent two weeks lying to the American people about the virus and made the situation worse,” I don’t say it because I think Trump never does anything right. When I say “Democrats are offering us two incredibly awful candidates in 2020,” I don’t say that because I think Trump is any better. The truth is that my opinion doesn’t really offer us any solution to what we are dealing with right now anyway. What we need is something uplifting.

In the midst of the confusion and the Costco trips and the same awkward scenarios everyone else is facing, I hope you can also find the time to cherish a few positive moments you wouldn’t have otherwise been able to experience. Here are a couple of mine:

1. Have you been to Costco or the grocery store lately? I mean sure, the place is crazy and understocked, but the people have been so nice! The workers cleaned up my yogurt spill at Kroger and the fellow customers have been very friendly (even at a distance when possible).
2. This is normally when I coach tennis, and I will be honest (my wife can attest to this) in saying that I sort of drop off the face of the planet for two months. Who did I hit tennis balls with yesterday? My son. Do we do that very often? No…like a couple of times ever, which is embarrassing. Yesterday we went to a park and hit, and it was special.
3. I have been calling my mom more lately than ever, and it’s great. She is a voice of normalcy in an otherwise media-centric world. In fact, bringing her up right now reminded me to call her, which I did while writing!

There are a ton of reasons why this situation is tragic, and I’m not trying to minimize them. This is a time in our lives that deserves our caution and a serious response. My family is staying home when possible and keeping tabs on expert opinions. I acknowledge if I fall ill or something happens to my family, obviously it is going to be a lot tougher to stay positive. Still, even in the wildest and most trying times we can try to put our best foot forward. In my case, I have disappointed a lot of people over the last years by being too busy, too angry, or too wrapped up in my own world. I hope to try and make the most of this strange but genuine opportunity.

One more thing: Starting today, I brought back my New Year’s Resolutions. I had about fifty really great days of them (I had six resolutions) and as the stress of teaching, the upcoming tennis season, and ultimately our news cycle swept me away, the resolutions fell one-by-one as well. I would encourage you to, if you are healthy and able, try to find a few resolutions you left in the dust and revive them. If you aren’t big on the resolutions, just uncover an idea or two on how to make things a little better for yourself or your family. (Also, if you aren’t a resolution person normally, feel free to start just this once. This is sort of an extenuating circumstance.)

Make this week and this month a new beginning. I mean you might as well find something positive to take out of it! Let’s be honest: either way, this is going to be a time you’ll never forget.

I want to take this opportunity to welcome you to the Smart Snares community. There is something special brewing here, and I know it. I wrote the book Smart Snares because I know I’m not the only one who has been tripped up by matters of my own making and my own intelligence. Sometimes it can be the very things that make you gifted that cause you to fail to live up to your full potential. It’s time to recognize it, push through it, and make the choices that will promote long-term success.

If you stay tuned here, you will find conversation, updates, more about me, and sometimes even a few snippets from the book itself. Every day is a new opportunity to reach people and create more connection, and I can’t wait to see where it will go and all the ways it can reach others through encouragement and the sharing of ideas.

When you visit the Smart Snares website, I hope you will participate and find yourself challenged and uplifted. This is a place where I hope to promote positivity, even in the tough and negative conversations. I would rather address elephants in the room and places I struggle than keep everything in the dark. If we can have honest, forthright discussions about the things that create the biggest struggles, we will be more likely to encourage others through issues and make changes that can make a difference forever.

Smart Snares is all about discussing all the things we say to ourselves or each other that cause us to fail to do our best. Recently I was discussing the book with someone and they asked me what it was about. It’s sort of silly when you have been working at something for so long and then have trouble summing it up, but after a few seconds I felt like I had an idea.

“If you put off a big essay until the last minute every time because you knew you could get a high grade on it without even trying, why would you ever change?”

That’s really what is at the heart of Smart Snares. People who don’t have a reason to change their habits don’t, and that’s why so many smart people underachieve. Eventually the bad behavior festers and creates issues in every area of life. Some of the issues I deal with in my life are issues no one would ever expect me to face because I’m that “smart guy.” I would argue that not only do I deal with them, but it’s likely that the habits I deal with were worsened because I was that guy.

As I got older, it was time to face these habits and issues for the sake of my wife, my children, and everyone around me. It was time to quit underachieving and start trying to lead. Although there is a long way to go, the book Smart Snares also takes a glimpse into times in the past where I have met my mark, as well as steps I’ve taken in the last year to make things better.

Join me as we explore these issues together and face our own smart snares!